We worked with the following words in an open discussion with material taken from the book “Conectados al Vacío” by Sergio Sinai.
Necessary Tools to Enrich our Bonds
Listening :
To train the listening is to be opened to understanding, it’s an essential part of the dialogue. As Martín Buber said: “Listening is a human meeting based on the acceptation and acknowledging of the other”.
Seeing:
One bond is only possible if we see and we are seen by the other in all its totality. And as we are always changing and in total transformation, we can not be guided by an ancient image, which could be old even though it belonged to yesterday. It is needed to see with attention, to be alert, respecting and exploring the singularity of the other, the real bond will exist when we see the other fully, completely.
The importance of the word:
A bond is made by what we give and what we ask for. In order to ask for something, I have to know what I need and how I need it. This can be done with a deeper connection, a clear dialogue, clear words with my needed aspects. Only if I can tell myself what I need, if I can find that clear word, will I be able to ask for it. And I also need the word to ask the other his/her real need, to know what to offer, what to give the other. The word is necessary to express our emotions and name them. Words which are not put into action can not help us to build a healthy bond.
The importance of being Present:
Being present means to create with the others shared living moments. It is to register the others similarities and differences, to build bridges. When we are present we see the other as he/she really is and vice-versa and so we become real and have the responsibility, the opportunity and the possibility to have a true relationship.
Why should we use these tools?
Because we have been born with them. We only need goodwill of feelings, commitment and spiritual courage. Even so, there are no guarantees, the other is somebody with his/her own existence, to build a bond with her/him is like the fact of living a risky operation, an extraordinary adventure, which is worth just by the mere fact of facing it.
To go towards the other is to go towards the human mystery and to open in front of him/her in a real bond is to open the door to our own mystery.
There will always be something unattainable in the other and something that the other will not reach in us. The building of a real bond is a spiritual challenge, which connects us with our affections. We can live a chosen life, real and meaningful or one full of fantasies and illusons. It’s up to us!
